Gone Daddy Gone

The Boston Red Sox are going to win the World Series.

How do I know, you ask? Is it stats? Inside information? No.

They will win simply because it is my fervent desire that they lose. Karma, it seems, has chosen this moment to bite me in the ass.

Baseball is a game of numbers, and a game of long standing traditions. 56 game hitting streak. 755 home runs. 20 strikeouts in one game. 4256 hits.

No team has ever came back from down three games to none to win the series. Toss that one out. Boston cursed ever since trading away Babe Ruth...It's one of the greatest stories of professional baseball. Get rid of it.

Baseball has been played here in America for well over a century. These records and traditions I'm talking about have been around for a long time. And now this upstart Bawston crew seeks up overturn the 'ol apple cart. I tell you, it makes the statistician and historian in me nauseous.

Also, what's up with David Ortiz? Having watched him for several years here as a member of the Minnesota Twins, I'd say he's currently the best example of steroid use in MLB. No way this is the same guy that choked away so many important at bats for us. ALCS Most Valuable Player!? He must have been abducted by aliens or something like that. I refuse to believe it's the same guy.

Speaking of Karma...I think David Ortiz is saving his up for one colossal screw up. No one can go that long excelling, after sucking for us so long, and have no repercussions. Think Bill Buckner, only on a higher plane of existence. Here's my guess as to how it will play out...

I say Ortiz, who DH's for Boston, will come up to bat. Game 7. Bottom of the 9th. 2 outs, bases loaded. Boston trails by one run. Ortiz will swing at a pitch between his legs, missing horribly and throwing the bat into left field where it knocks over the Green Monster. Meanwhile Ortiz has burst into flames because he rubbed Pedro Martinez's Jheri Curled head for good luck and sets Fenway Park ablaze with his suckiness. That's a word, by the way. By the time the flames subside in the morning, Bud Selig has contracted the Red Sox and deported Ortiz. The aliens don't come to pick him up, however, rightly fearing for the safety of their civilization.

Hey, now that the curse is over, anything is possible. Right?